5 Ways to handle the situation of not being a starter
Sometimes during a professional (or even non-professional) career it happens, that you sit on the bench. Maybe even from the first scrimmages, you notice, that this season is going to be hard. You resist, you fight, but it doesn’t change anything. You feel overlooked and treated unfairly.
Sometimes it even happens, that your coach tells you, you are so close to being a starter, but in reality, you do only see the court when you play against the last team of the league or other weak teams. WTF!
Then the spiral starts, you start thinking. You start thinking “He doesn’t like me”, “This is not fair, I deserve better”, “What the hell, am I doing this for?”. You start being frustrated. You start being less motivated for practice. You start being less engaged during matches. Where do you end up? Glued to the bench, feeling separated from your chances, dependent on other people’s opinions.
Then you get the chance to play, you didn’t even see that coming, you’re not prepared, at least not mentally and emotionally. What happens? Now there are two ways, or you get super nervous, can’t control your arms and legs anymore or you get super cool, kind of numb, and can’t connect to the rest of the team or the flow of the game.
Probably everybody of us experienced those situations and I think we need that to be ready to really change something, to get a little bit better, to have the urge to grow as a person and as a player. But how?
Here is my opinion as a sport psychologist and as a bench warmer and observer of other bench warmers ;)-
1. Become clear about why you play this sport? What do you love so much about it? What was it, that you fell in love with as a child? And what is it, that makes you still come to the gym every day. The companionship? The joy it brings? The challenges? The prestige? Write a love letter to the sport, which gives you the possibilities to experience all of that. Start with gratitude.
2. Accept the challenge. Both words are decisive here. “Accept” - there might be a million reasons, why you should be a starter, but the fact is: you’re not. And it’s out of your control to decide who’s going to start the next match. This is hard, but the moment you accepted that, you set the stage to continue from here. The moment you stop resisting facts that are out of your control you set energy free to handle the situation. Read that sentence again – it’s important to understand it not only intellectually.
3. And then there is the second-word “challenge”. Well, you’re going to face a lot of challenges during your career and life. And probably you mastered already several bigger and smaller challenges to be where you are today and tadaaa here is another one. How big is this challenge compared to the ones you already had? One of the smaller ones? Or the biggest one ever? Either way – there is potential to grow, use it to pave your way to the next level.
If you look in the biography of big athletes, the best in their craft faced ALWAYS challenges and got through, sometimes injuries, sometimes rejections, sometimes personal challenges. That made me come to the conclusion, that you need that kind of grinding the diamond to arrive at the peak.
4. Get clear about your resources. What could be helpful? What has been helpful in other difficult moments? Write those things down and use them whenever needed. Talking to family and friends? Journaling? Meeting teammates? Having a conversation with the coach? Getting professional help of athletic coaches, agents, sport psychologist ;)?
5. Concentrate on the process. HOW do you want to live this moment? What do you want to think about yourself after the season? What do you want to tell your children about that moment, back then when you had this difficult moment? Act accordingly ;).
We didn’t touch on how to handle those negative thoughts and feelings… That might be a topic for the next blog or for a personal conversation
Whenever you want to learn more, need help or are just resonating with the topic. Don’t hesitate to schedule a call with me or leave me a message.
Love and light,
Berit